Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
