um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
