I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
