sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Small penises have feelings too.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
