I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
