i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
