i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
