literally had 100 drinks last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
