Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
