He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
