You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
