Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
