so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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