I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
