I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
