can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
