I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my poor anus
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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