Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
