dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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