escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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