youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
