Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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