Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
