Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
