Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
