i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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