I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
