at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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