im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
