Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
