May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
