And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
