Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
