yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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