I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
