Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
