I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
