Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
