It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
