She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize