And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize