1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They have beer where we have blood.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
