I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
