Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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