i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just googled if crying burns calories
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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