So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
