Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
