i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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