Define "chronic" masturbator.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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