My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
