she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
