I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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