what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
