omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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