I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
