O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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