She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
