she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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