I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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