Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
