FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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