I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
