don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
