This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
