I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
