take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
