Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
