Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
