she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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