I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
