i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
