Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
