I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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