12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
